Thursday, April 22, 2010

Notes From The Scene: The T-Shirt

I was at an Electric Wizard gig browsing their merch stall. I was drooling over this shirt which had some sort of demonic goat devil on it. Above the T-Shirts was a sign reading 'T-Shirts sold out. Maybe later.’ What the fuck does that mean? They’re either are sold out or they’re not. Then I thought OK maybe the band is enroute and were told to bring more merch with them cause it’s all sold out. I continued looking around the stall and noticed in the corner was a box full T-Shirts. I approached the dude who was running the stall and said 'hey, sorry I know your sign says sold out but I see you've got a box full of them. Any chance I could just grab one?’ 'Na maybe in 30mins' WTF IS THIS ABOUT? Why can’t I buy a fuckin shirt? Are Wizard suddenly huge? Can those stoners afford to turn down sales? Last time I checked their tracks weren’t featured in any iTunes adverts. I hung around and watched the support band. I came back to the stall around 45 mins later. You gotta understand I REALLY wanted this shirt. Mr. Merch tool had since taken down his sign. As I hovered around the stall waiting to be served he made eyes at his friend like 'oh it’s this fuckin schmuck again'. He then looked me up and down with such contempt. Note: before the show I was at my sister’s house for a family get together. I dressed 'conservatively' or ‘normal'. Excuse me for not looking like an extra from Scorpio Rising. Mr. Merch dicktree said I could now have a shirt but he couldn’t change my twenty pound note, it's understandable since all T-shirts and CDs were £10. The chances of him having £10 was slim. I went to the bar broke my £20 came back bought the fucking shirt and went to watch the band. The stage filled with smoke while a grainy old film began playing at the back of the stage. Opening image: a hippy chick being tied to a cross and being tortured by another naked chick. Then out of the smoke this guy took to the stage wearing monk robes. He starts chanting in this real nasty wicked voice sounding like he's putting a diabolical curse on the audience. Wizard start to play. They slayed the whole set through, it was just so fuckin thick and heavy. They closed with Funeralopolis. At the end Juss threw his guitar down and stormed offstage only to come back brandishing a bull whip and proceeded to violently whip his guitar and amp. How fuckin EVIL!


affinity said...

'wizards merch guy is cool - give him a break!! sounds like he was playing with ya dude!
glad at least some of yr 'blog' was about the gig tho!

Lux said...

I didn't realise the idea of a merch guy was to make sales as difficult as possible. If so this guy is a legend. We may not be speaking about the same guy. This one works for Rise Above.