Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 25

Dear Diary.

Here's a photo of me staring at my laptop.

It's a week to Halloween and I'm freaking the fuck out. My 'to do' list is huge.I have to finish 3 films 2 of which are almost done but the big film needs alot work. I'm relying on alot of other people. This gives me anxiety. In zero budget filming nobody gives a fuck about your movie. If they let you down or cancel last minute. Even if your movie falls apart  - so what? It doesn't effect anyone really but you.

During every big shoot I get the 'why do I  fuckin bother moment' I think this entry is the prelude to my 'why fuckin bother moment' which inevitably will come. At these points I can see no rewards in film making. It's just me hunched over my laptop at 3am at my kitchen table wanting to give up and go to bed.

I really want these movies to work.
I just want to make great films that my friends will love.
I hope this seasons films doesn't turn into the fucking nightmare like my last Halloween films. I was against the clock til the last second.I worked for 72 hours straight to finish them and as a result burnt myself out and got really sick.
That was uncool.

OK I'm going to sleep now.

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