Sunday, July 03, 2011

25 THINGS I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT BEATING YOU TO DEATH WITH

1. A hose filled with sand
2. A tire iron
3. A wooden baseball bat, fuck aluminum bats!
4. A chair leg
5. An ax handle, an old one… with character
6. A bicycle chain
7. An ENORMOUS fucking watermelon!
8. Your own goddamn femur!
10. The sharp end of a claw hammer
11. You know that length of dry bamboo in the garage?
13. A a standard 32-gallon capacity trash can made from galvanized steel 
14. A series of terra cotta pots
16. A half frozen "hothouse" English cucumber
17. A sock full of size D batteries
18. My fists encased in steel
19. What is my fucking stapler doing on your desk?!?!
20. A toaster with the flex wrapped around my hand
21. 3/4 inch steel pipe
22. Christopher Robin's skull
23. An antique desk lamp
24. Love
25. The telephone, shut up shut up shut the fuck up!!!

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