Last year I finally saved enough money to buy my digital camera. I obsessively take photos everywhere I go now. I can’t leave the house without my camera. Most of it is just down to me loving photography and capturing my life, my friends and the shit we get up to. Every once in a while I’ll do a 'what I’ve been up lately' post, it’s a perfect diary form...but there’s a part of me that's always scared of losing friends. I've always freaked out about losing people especially girls I've loved disappearing from my life.
I first realised this when I started writing short stories when I was 19 years old. I wrote 10 stories then one day out of nowhere it hit me: in every story a girl l disappears. I honestly never knew there was this pattern til like 10 works in. It’s just stuck with me. It's still in my work today.
It started when I met a girl called Rachel at Glastonbury Festival in 1997. we had this amazing night watching Radiohead. I totally crushed out on her. The next day we woke up together and had a big fight and didn't talk again. I didn't get her number and this was way before Facebook. A month later I thought I saw her in store, I got closer and it realised it wasn’t her a few minute I was walking into another store and walking was her – the real her. I was too spooked to say anything. She was the first girl to haunt me. There’s been three or four since.
I’m a lot more aware of my issues now now and I deal with it better but some people still haunt me. People who I don't speak to anymore, people who I’m not as close to as I once was...it’s the way life works. I'ts natural. People drift apart, move away and relationships change.
Recently I was working on a present for a friend and trying to find a quote on photography I stumbled across a quote by Nan Goldin "I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much I've lost". That stayed with me for a long time.
So the story of the box is...
Everytime I meet up with my friend Vanessa I love taking photos with her especially since we don't see each other that often I know we love each other and were cool - we just don't see each other much. When we do hook up we always take photos of ourselves on self-timer.
When it came to her birthday I wanted to buy her something special not my usual DVD/book/mix CD bundle. I got the idea to make prints of all the photos we've taken together and put them in a box for her. I promised every time we take a new photo I’ll print another photo for the box.
I was walking through Notting Hill after having sold some CDs + DVDs cause I was broke. I walked past this vintage store and saw there was a bunch of old tins on display. I walked inside and a found a tin I liked. I had to buy it for her even though I couldn't really afford it.
I printed the photographs and put them in the box. I wanted to find a fitting quote to go inside the tin. After an hour of reading I found an apt. quote:
I haven't seen Vanessa in a while and sometimes I miss her but that's ok 'cause there is no distance in memory.