Friday, November 09, 2012

Transcripts of two phone calls late in September 1997

[phone rings]

ANNE: Hello?

JIM: Hi. Can you talk?

ANNE: Yes.

JIM: Okay. You know, I tried to talk to you earlier, but it's kinda tough. Would you agree?

ANNE: Huh?

JIM: Would you agree with that?

ANNE: Yeah.

JIM: Yeah. [unintelligible] Yeah, you asked me specifically what bothered me about you?

ANNE: Uh huh.

JIM: You got defensive about your friends, but you did take weed from Mark, and money from Ann. I think that bothered me. You know personally what bothers me are the mood swings. It's, you know, I'm not sure what I'm going to get. That's ... that wears on a guy. It wears on anybody, I guess. ... I think what went wrong is when we saw Debbie ... it all became real to us. It just, ah, I think it got complicated too quickly. And this situation isn't working itself out.

ANNE: What?

JIM: The situation here has just been dragging on, and it's made it worse.

ANNE: How did it get complicated?

JIM: I think I could probably deal with everything that was going on if all this shit wasn't going on here, you know? I mean, I honestly don't give a shit what you think of my background or if I've had it easy or not—that's fine. But I think you might agree this has been a weird, difficult, emotionally draining situation I've been in this summer.

ANNE: Yeah.

JIM: Yeah. Okay.

ANNE: And what else?

JIM: The Kurt and Courtney thing kind of bothered me.

ANNE: Really? Why?

JIM: Where you said about you thought it was good to just eat people up and spit them out.

ANNE: [Incredulous] What?

JIM: You left a message earlier today where you said that as a role model, women who just get into men's lives and destroy them...

ANNE: What does that have to do with Kurt and Courtney?

JIM: I think you actually mentioned her as a role model when you said that.

ANNE: No, I didn't.

JIM: Well, you might've ... but it's not really important.

[Jim brings something someone else had said, Anne hangs up when Jim refuses to reveal this person's name]

[start of call]

JIM: I don't really know what to say at this point. I got your last message. I wish you weren't jealous of me. I'm not really sure why you are. But, ah ... Do you realize how much I want to get along with you? How confusing you make it? How difficult you make it sometimes?

ANNE: [very quiet] Like when? You mean like today? [laughing slightly] Can't we just let bygones be bygones?

JIM: How am I supposed to feel when you talk about it's cool to withhold sex to get what you want?

ANNE: Huh?

JIM: What am I supposed to think when you talk about it being cool to withhold sex to get what you want?

ANNE: I got that idea from Miss Estrada [Anne's Women's Studies professor.] I was saying that that was something that I could say that would be outrageous to put on this little bulletin board that's right by the Women's Resource Center. You shouldn't apply it to us. I want you to come over so we could fuck, dummy.

JIM: Right.

ANNE: I'm here for you, so why don't you come over?

JIM: You know ... What's confusing to me is I don't even know if that's what you want or if that's what you think would make it better for me.

ANNE: No, that's not what I think would make it better for you.

JIM: But you aren't—two, three hours ago you're screaming, "You're never fucking me again!"

ANNE: Because you told me you were going to go on the road. All of a sudden, you know when you picked me up you were like, "Well, I'm going to go do my book." And I'm like, "What book?" You know, you didn't even tell me—I didn't even know what book you were talking about. You just assumed it was this, like—you just didn't have any qualms about that, going off and doing that. And before you were like, "Well, I'm going to do everything possible to postpone it." And now you're like, "Well, I'm going to go do my book."

JIM: Well, you're leaving messages where you're talking about destroying the male race, for Christ's sake.

ANNE: [laughing] I never said destroying the male race! Is it a race?

JIM: Gender, I guess.

ANNE: [still laughing] What? I like "the male race!" That's awesome! Because I wanted to be really outrageous and see what kind of response I'd get if I put that on the board. Like I told you before that I got printed in the paper because like they had all this controversy, like what people thought of stripping, like they had these big poster boards at the Women's Resource Center, these big things of construction paper, and then people write their opinions about whatever the question of the day is. And they just have paper for people to write. And I was the first person and I just wrote all this stuff! Went a little bit crazy. And like wrote the most extreme stuff I could think of. And it's like, "All women are prostitutes," and I got a lot of reaction, so I thought it would be funny, if I had gotten extreme that way. But not seriously. It's just like Stan and Barb. I'm serious! You know, I just want to push people's buttons. [unintelligible] to you, baby.

JIM: I gotta go.

ANNE: Why?

JIM: I have to go to sleep.

ANNE: No! I love you. Baby—

JIM: What?

ANNE: Will you come over and be with me?

JIM: You know, last night you're leaving messages ... we can't do this anymore, and I should fucking thank Christ for Debbie, and you wouldn't put up with any of my shit ... That's what I told you I can't deal with. It's the going back and forth.

ANNE: [unintelligible, Anne is talking very quietly] I promise. [significantly more unintelligible]

JIM: I think I'm going to listen over and over to the messages you earlier tonight.

ANNE: Which ones?

JIM: The ones where you told me how you feel about me.

ANNE: No ... why are you listening to them?

JIM: It's educational.

ANNE: How? That would be like if I had a tape of messages when you told me that I was spoiled. If I listened to that over and over. Don't listen, no ... Because it's called envy, and jealousy, and like, remember that one video of Notorious B.I.G. he says, "Envy and jealousy is just something you have to deal with." No, it means that you're all that! [talks about grammar, getting pot to smoke so she won't flip out...] I'm just happy right now because you're talking to me... [unintelligible, then talks about how she just needs to go off on her own when she's in a bad mood. Long passages here about how she plans on staying away from everybody when she has her own issues to deal with, etc.]

JIM: I'm pretty cynical right now. [Anne offers plans to meet in the coming days]


JIM: You know, it's fucked up, more than anything else ...You heard Debbie, and you liked her, and she hates herself, and you're likable, and you hate yourself. And ... I was talking to [Sean] Tejaratchi earlier tonight, before I even picked you up, and he asked me why did I think people like Debbie and you were attracted to me, and I couldn't say why. And he says he thinks it's because these are people who feel disgusting and nobody understands them, and I accept them. It's typical Tej.

ANNE: Do you think that's the truth?

JIM: Yeah, I think so.

ANNE: [unintelligible] You should be a motivational speaker or something....You're a little shepherd.

JIM: Oh, Christ.

ANNE: You are! You're a protector. You're a shepherd of the mentally ill.

JIM: Yeah, they come to me.

ANNE: Yeah! It's true, though.

[LATER IN CONVERSATION, referring to Anne's disruption of the Radical Women's meeting, in which she was thrown out for shouting, "Let's Hear it For Violence Toward Women!"]

JIM: When you think back to the Radical Women's meeting and then the messages I get today, Jesus Christ! The only reason I ragged on—well, I guess I ragged on them beforehand—the reason I don't like people like that is that they start shit like up in Bellingham ... accomplish nothing, but—

ANNE: I know, and that's why, like, I was just doing it to be outrageous, you know, I just go as extreme as possible. You know I don't believe this shit, I was like writing out on the little bulletin board, the public forum there, and everybody, like, responded to me, "Oh, my God!" All these arrows pointing to what I wrote. You know, my responses! You should see the way that I wrote it. I was like, all the feminists today, they're weak, we need to get strong, get knives, and guns, and blahblahblah and all this stuff. And nobody responded positively to it at all. So I thought it would be kind of funny that I got all this reaction. That was it. It wasn't like I was trying to make a statement or something. You know I don't believe in that! Those are big people's problems!

JIM: No, I think the message—the way you were talking last night about how you really liked your psychology professor, I think on some level you do believe in that shit. And I guess it's like last night you were saying the redneck stuff was a joke, but you do believe. I mean, there was something underlying that. I took a Xanax earlier tonight, I can barely put a sentence together.

ANNE: Well, there was some truth to when you called me spoiled, too.

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